This post 4 Secrets to Successful Relationships appeared first on Daily Reckoning.
Divorce is expensive. On average, the cost of going through a divorce in the United States is around $20,000.
I can think of a lot of ways to invest twenty grand that doesn’t involve lining the pockets of lawyers or our legal system…
The flip side is that weddings are expensive too.
In fact, the cost of getting married is almost double that of filing for divorce. However, as I’m sure a lot of you know, lasting relationships typically pay dividends.
In his book titled The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships Dr. John Gottman, professor emeritus of psychology at the University of Washington, had this to say about some of the benefits to strong relationships:
A study of people living in Alameda County, California, found that people who had close friendships and marriages lived longer than those who didn’t. This was true independent of such factors as diet, smoking, and exercise. Another study, of 2,800 men and women over age sixty-five, showed that those with more friends had a lower risk of health problems and recovered faster when they did develop them. In addition, a study of 10,000 seniors at Yale University showed that loners were twice as likely to die from all causes over a five-year period as those who enjoyed close friendships.
It’s no surprise humans need relationships to survive. What’s unclear is how good relationships can become great and what causes some relationships to falter?
Dr. Gottman’s research has focused on answering these tough questions. In his lab, he and his team have videotaped and studied the conversations of many couples. What they discovered was there are 4 secrets to successful relationships.
So what exactly do successful couples talk about?
Dr. Gottman’s findings suggest nothing too different than what you and I talk about with our partners every day.
“But after many months of watching these tapes with my students, it dawned on me. Maybe it’s not the depth of intimacy in conversations that matters. Maybe it doesn’t even matter whether couples agree or disagree. Maybe the important thing is how these people pay attention to each other, no matter what they’re talking about or doing,” says Gottman.
This key insight led to the first of four successful relationship secrets.
Successful Relationship Secret #1:
Bids
Gottman says, “A bid can be a question, a gesture, a look, a touch—any single expression that says, ‘I want to feel connected to you.’ A response to a bid is just that—a positive or negative answer to somebody’s request for emotional connection.”
Think about when you get home from work and your wife asks “how was your day?” Your literal answer is not what she’s after.
The same goes for when you’re networking and you hit it off with someone. Before you part ways, oftentimes someone will initiate a bid in the form of “we should grab lunch sometime…”
This is not a call for you to pull out your calendar and start coordinating …read more
Source:: Daily Reckoning feed
The post 4 Secrets to Successful Relationships appeared first on Junior Mining Analyst.